Marriage Square

The Marriage Square is designed to show the power of the four known types of love confined to the sacred covenant of marriage. We use it as a powerful picture of life and a mirror of how the mystery of “oneness” can be obtained. Let’s get started.

Marriage Square

The marriage square is a simple lesson taught by Ravi Zacharias. In it he uses the four definitions of love to describe how the covenant of marriage is the only institution where we are free to experience all of the expressions in their fullness. We have taken it one step further by addressing what happens when the most important form of love is removed from the system. We have used this tool several times as both a self-evaluation tool as well as in marriages that have come under hard times.

Love as “agape”

By definition, this word refers to the Lord’s love of humans through the sacrifice of Jesus. We see this word play out specifically in John 3:16 and again in the reinstatement of Peter in John 21. Jesus modeled this love for the Father by obedience to the cross and He modeled this love for YOU by enduring it. This love relishes itself in a sacrificial laying down our lives for the betterment of people. Listen to the words of scripture, “though you were a sinner, Christ laid down His life for you (Romans 5:8). To operate from this love, one must know it.

Love as “phileo”

By definition, this word is derived from the word “philo” meaning “dear, loved, friend”. It is, in a sense, a deep friendship built from a bond of deep loyalty towards another. You see this story played out in the reinstatement of Jesus as The Lord asks Peter twice, “Do you agape me?’ (John 21:15-16). To this, Peter responds “you know that I phileo you. Understanding this story in its original language lets us understand that Peter is no longer confident in his boasts. He is unwilling to respond to the request of Agape love yet submits himself in humility hoping he can fulfill the request from the “phileo” definition. No doubt, Peter is still feeling the sting of his denial. What about you? Do you have phileo relationships in the kingdom of God? If not, start making disciples and you will.

Love as “storge”

This love is best understood as family or protective love. It's the kind of bond that naturally forms between parents and their children -- and sometimes between siblings in the same household. This kind of love is steady and sure. It's love that arrives easily and endures for a lifetime. It manifests itself as the deep devotion and protective instincts a parent has for their children.


Romans 12: 9-11

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted (philostorge) to one another in love (phileo). Honor one another above yourselves.

Love as “eros”

This word you will not find in the biblical text but which founds its origins in the greco roman cultures as defined in our culture as erotic love. This type of love needs little explanation but is defined as the arousal of sexual feelings or sexual desires towards another.

Putting It All Together

What is so interesting in these 4 types of love is that we were made to have, experience and enjoy all of these as they all fit and find their purpose only in a special type of covenant. To understand the laying down of your life in agape, the deep and loyal friendship of phileo, the beauty of protection and devotion to children as in storge and the fulfillment of eros as only two people can know it is beautifully woven and designed to interplay into covenant. The Lord has made known to us this gift and you know this as marriage.


Marriage is meant to be a testimony to the world of the unity of the Trinity, therefore care and responsibility must be taken to let it shine before all men.


These four types of love all have their origin and flow life from them as they are infused with agape love. Phileo, storge, and eros produce life and life abundantly when fueled by the sacrificial love of agape.


Without the power of agape love infusing these types of love, we tend to default to our flesh and the foundations of these words begin to crumble. One need not look far to see the turmoil caused when the opposite of these words begin to arise.


For example,


  • phileo without agape and the end results are room mates
  • storge without agape and the end results are indifference
  • eros without agape and the end result yields a playground for your enemy


As with any tool, these are simply words on a page. Step 1, as always, is for this tool to become a mirror for your life. Look at the marriage square, which of those words needs a fresh infusion of agape love. Give the Lord an opportunity to work, we promise you won’t regret it.